Desire Unfulfilled

January 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

I wrote this story in August 2006. It remains close to me. Presenting here the same version without any editing.

He had won.

He knew he wanted her the day he saw her at the cafe. She was undefinable. Not pretty in the conventional sense. He had had many of the pretty types. They were easy given his charm and power. This one had something different. She had a strength, a character. A deadly combination when mixed with beauty.

From childhood, the tougher the challenge seemed, the more he was driven to it. And this exquisite piece of beauty seemed rather too tough. Yes, it had to be this woman he had to get in bed. To him, getting a woman was a game, and he had to win at everything.

He prepared himself mentally. First, he blocked the thoughts about her body which filled his mind. He knew if he thought of that now, it would lessen his drive. Then he thought about how he could approach her…

…13 days passed and he was still not able to get what he wanted. He had now become acquainted with her and got pretty close, emotionally. There was no way she was letting him touch her. He had relied on his charm alone. He knew telling all about his worldly power may drive her away. But this was the first time he was seeing defeat. He just could not digest it. He knew all the tricks, the games. The headiness of a challenge was turning into desperation.

Then fate threw him a chance. Her sister needed a kidney transplant. Urgently. He had the money, and put the condition to her directly. This was a cheap way and it was his principle not to force anyone like this but win on his charm and attitude, but this time… he was blinded by desperation. He wanted her dammit. To make a painful story short, she finally agreed. He paid for the expenses needed for her sister.

So that night at the hotel, he waited on the bed for the prize as she went into the bathroom to undress. He could give his imagination full rein now. A little thought tried to creep into his mind that he was wrong, he was trying to take advantage of someone, but his passions readily suppressed it.

The bathroom door opened. His eyes went to her body. It was better than what he had imagined. He sat for a few moments, feasting his eyes on that marvel of nature. She was a sculpture, not to be touched.. only to be seen, to be admired, to be wondered at. But I will spoil her tonight, he thought with a feeling of satisfaction and victory.

“Come closer,” he said. She obeyed.

Then he looked at her eyes. Something there unnerved him. He suddenly felt his confidence shaking. He actually had to think of what to say…

“So, should we start, baby?”, he finally he said in an artificially sure tone.

“You can do anything you want with me.”, she said. She did not move. She did not look at him. Her voice was flat, without any emotion whatsoever. She seemed somewhere far away.

At that precise moment he knew it. He felt a wave of disgust sweeping over him. Knew why he was unnerved. Why he had suddenly lost that sense of victory. He had her body, but not her mind, not her soul, not her will. In all his previous escapades, he had won over other women’s minds. But not this time. All his passion died. All he felt was disgust, pure disgust… at himself, at his foolishness in thinking that a woman’s body was everything he needed. He felt so small before her.

“Get dressed.”, he said and left the hotel.

He had lost.

About the pic: This one was taken from a memorial at the Dachau Concentration Camp near Munich, Germany. It was the first Nazi concentration camp.


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